She barely whispers “Good Morning” when she comes into my room. She thinks I may be asleep. Most times though, as soon as her key slips through the deadbolt, I am instantly awake. My hearing that acute, my alertness that intense. I let her think she has woken me up, using those few sweet minutes to ready my mind because I know that I take time. She always asks how I spent the night. I actually stop and think about
I don’t write about my main condition often. In fact, I barely mention it’s name in real life (Kugelburg-Welander Syndrome, Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA), Type 3 or just SMA3). Besides the naming of it not doing much to manage or change it’s effects on me, no one knows WHAT all its name implies or what its effects on me are. So this usually has me launching into a super simple explanation of how this syndrome is my muscles’ inability to
For the past month, I have been creating… but not like you’d think. I’ve been giving answers to questions on paperwork to create means to clear up my backyard, still. I’ve been making phone calls, creating and rekindling connections. I’ve been taking inventory of our kitchen, creating a situation where ‘food insecure’ and our home no longer appear in the same sentence… except for this one, in words only. I’ve been making boundaries, creating safe spaces where I can rest.
The tops of my feet looked like freshly baked loaves of bread: sun-browned and puffy. Rather inviting if they were actual loaves of bread instead of feet. It was day five of no electricity, thus no AC and the house was broiling in the mid-day sun. Penelope The Dog, freshly shaven and splayed out on the cool tile floor beside me, shared the barely cool breeze that made it’s way through the front door and out the back door.
That one day, you head to your electrologist appointment and what is normally a very painful but necessary part of your life to keep you from looking like a mama bear, has you sitting there asking her if the machine is turned on cause you’re not feeling any of the customary bee sting-like pin pricks that you’ve come to expect. Two machines and three needles later, she has confirmed that indeed the machine(s) are on and working,