Law School Diaries, No.999:
Part of the reason I applied to law school was to be part of a whole.
Let me explain.
My schooling has always been tumultuous. It started with getting taken out of 1st grade at the end of that school year and thrust into third grade the next because of my intellectual abilities. Spending a good year amongst my new, older peers, not fitting in because I was younger and no one wanted to be around the smarty pants baby. 😕
Only to be ‘mainstreamed’ for fourth grade (when I started school as a disabled youngster, all the disabled kids were placed in classes together – regardless of ability. To be mainstreamed was to be integrated with the able bodied kids, who I never spent any time with since I was always around my fellow disabled kids and didn’t have any able bodied siblings yet…). Then to have a whole new set of able bodied kids to contend with in fifth grade, only to move to Florida half way through the year into another group of fellow disabled kids for the rest of fifth grade. Sixth grade found me homeschooled due to surgery that year only to be dropped into middle school the next year with all my hormones and teenaged angst amongst kids who I didn’t grow up around and who I didn’t quite know how to integrate with.
I never felt like I belonged. I never held onto friendships because inevitably something would happen and my friend group would need to shift for one reason or another. I learned how to learn and how to be by myself. Those were the two constants over my life: Me and learning.
A partial side effect I hoped for when getting into law school, was the opportunity to deliberately be part of a cohort. To be thrust into a situation where I could possibly form a friend group based on having the same experience in common: going through law school together and becoming lawyers.
No guarantees of course but odds were good that I could find some ‘normal’ in the midst of my chaotic unsocial life as it’s been.
But you know, this is Me we’re talking about here. Not much is ever straight going with Me.
Schedules came out last Wednesday. I had put in my request back in January to change my status from part-time (as I had originally been admitted) to full time for two reasons: 1- I didn’t want to be in school for more than 3years and 2-I need day time classes in order to accommodate my aides who have to come and care for me to get to school. Which meant an evening 6pm-9:45pm schedule won’t work if the latest start time of my last aide of the day is 8pm.
I reminded my school about my schedule needs again in March during a zoom meeting with the director of admissions. I mentioned it again in an email when the committee was to meet in June.
Guess what schedule I got last Wednesday? Guess.
Section C – 6pm to 9:45pm.
😑🫤😳🤯
I IMMEDIATELY emailed the Director alerting her to the magnitude of this problem: going to school at night upends my support. Nothing can upend my support as I cannot do anything without it.
She let me know she will be working on it.
Thursday afternoon, I sent another email as I hadn’t heard anything.
She let me know that they feel I would do better on a part-time schedule and she is trying to get the Dean’s approval for a part-time day shcedule for me.
I just got a call from the Director personally from her cell phone, letting me know that she obtained the Dean’s approval for my part-time day schedule. I should have a schedule by tomorrow.
I already feel like I’m not a part of my new colleagues. I already feel like I’m late to the starting line. I already feel like I’m falling behind because I don’t yet know which classes/section (A or B )I’ll be in or what books I’ll need to buy.
Sigh…
Instead of fretting over first year law school problems, I’m concerned if I’ll even have a schedule that I’ll be able to work with.
On the one hand – I’m glad the Director is taking this on herself.
On the other hand… I’m not sure why I keep holding out for ‘normal’, it’s been nothing but an exercise in frustration and disappointment… just about my entire life.
😑😑😑
I know this will be worked out. I just wish I could be excited about a mundane thing happening in the usual way it does for once, instead of having to gear up for a fight, ya know?!
So much for best laid plans…