Law School Diaries, No.996:
It is a lot.
So much more work than I could imagine.
I am plowing through (save this break) and it is still daunting.
I have a stress induced cold (I did a home test – it is NOT COVID thankfully), Mother Nature is visiting, my body temperature is having a hard time regulating and I still have 40+ pages to read by tomorrow.
I’m smirking through it though because – How did I get here?
I am smart. That’s what got me here.
What I am marveling at more though, is what kept the events of 2020 from totally obliterating me so that I got to be here here. I shouldn’t have made it past any of it, much less all three things. I had every right to cave and fold and simply lay down and stop existing from sheer anguish and heartbreak, exhaustion and overwhelm.
But something, some thing, helped me get enough of my pieces together to put a whole application in and get into law school.
Every time I think it’s the end, it’s not.
I fully recognize that my story could have ended so many chapters ago. If I’m being honest, I expected it to end a few times.
I also have moments when I recognize that I am not just here like this. I’m not just average or ordinary. I’m not just simple or plain, no matter what I try to make myself believe or what I let folks convince me of.
I’ve made it through some pretty horrific and hard things in life. I’m amazed that I’m still here, dreaming, wishing, doing, trying.
I was told once that I get stuck in inertia. And I was so hurt when it was said to me. What I didn’t realize that they didn’t understand is that when you move with the energies and Ancestors that rock with You, the moves that are made are thoughtful and calculated. It may seem non-moving to most but there is always motion.
The person didn’t need to know that, but I needed to. I needed to experience and know beyond knowing that those that came and left before me, got me. I’m leaning into that this journey.
This may be a lot now, but I’ve been through so much more before.
40 pages – let’s go… I got dreams to fulfill.