I’ve been watching soap making videos on YouTube for two days.

It is half fascination with the process as it is with the woman’s voice who I’ve been listening to.  Her voice is soft, soothing and matter of fact.  It makes me feel safe and her videos educate and entertain me.

This streak is partially escapism and mainly about the fact that my cable got cut and I am unused to watching “regular” TV.  The Paula Deen scandal aside (my TV is always on some cooking show or another), I miss my niche channels.  I can’t flip channels now and get educated about the expansion of the Universe or see the latest antics of an early eighties sitcom character.

So I’ve been sitting in front of my computer for two days watching people explain how to make soap.

This is infinitely better than eating a pint of ice cream (which is a very real possibility at this current point) or bingeing all day because my nerves have been on edge.  Or even how I spent my Friday afternoon – half ready for an evening outing which I never got to go to because I had spent a full day sitting in my house with my central air conditioning unit broken and by the time it came time for me to go, I just couldn’t.  This on the first official day of summer, in South Florida.

To be fair, the A/C technician came out and did the best he could.  He gave me no guarantee that it will last any amount of time after this patch up.  The unit is circa 1993 and by just looking at it, I am afraid of all the sickness that may be inflicted on me from the constant dripping, the humidity and quite possibly growing mold.

This worries me and makes me question every decision I have made that got me here.  I KNOW I am stressed when I start thinking those thoughts.

And so I watch these soap videos because they take my mind off of the OMGWTFHUH?!?! moment of my life and gives me a beginning, middle and resolution to something, where currently I feel adrift at best.  I know what needs to be done: I need a new AC unit installed.  I don’t know where the money for it will materialize from.

sigh.

I hope next week gets better.

-S