I don’t like working on “disabled things”.

So you can imagine how I wanted to jump from the nearest building when I got stuck working the Special Needs Desk for two years once (Another story for another post).

Shocker. I know.

Hypocritical Contradiction? Maybe.

Here’s my thought process behind my quick-fire ire when folks automatically assume that I am an expert or want anything to do with “disabled things”:

I have been “disabled” ALL.MY.LIFE. (I like to think of it as alternately-abled really, since I can do and have done a great deal of what abled-bodied folks do and more – yes, even that… and that. But I digress.)

From my erroneous diagnosis at the age of 2 until my current age of 41, my world has been shaped by the prejudices, criticisms, assumptions, systematic oppressions and disadvantages that come from the world at large (read: able bodied folks) just for being labeled by THEM as “disabled”.

My Mother, knowing that my life would be infinitely harder because I had one more strike against me, instilled in me the understanding that just because I do things differently, doesn’t make me less. She had me to understand that it didn’t matter how long it took me, just as long as I got it done.

So in my young mind, I set my sights on all these things that the Able-bodied world was telling me were off limits to me. This understanding my Mom dropped in me made me relentless and insatiable to know and live life.

Stylish-clothes? I buy and wear them.
Cute shoes? Love and wear them.
Working? Done it full-time. Part-time Freelance now.
School? Done it. Thrice.
Take care of a house and family? Done it, doing it.
Late Nights Out? I’ve had my share.
Travel? Of course.
Lost and buried Family? The list is too long.
Survived tragedy? Do you even want me to get started?

If I have gone through all these experiences, WHY OH WHY, would I want to marinate on the fact that society sees me through the lens of my disability? I’m not here to make anyone feel better about me being disabled. Why would anyone think I was the “perfect” candidate to represent anything to do with being disabled?

I would be the WORST person to tell you what it is to be disabled because I DON’T LIVE MY LIFE THAT WAY. I couldn’t tell anyone the first thing about it. I have no clue. I CAN tell folks what it is to live MY life as a “disabled”/alternately-able bodied person. I can do that all day long.

What I can also tell you is that my “disabled life” doesn’t look, function, operate, smell, taste, act anything like what able-bodied people assume or that they’ve seen on TV. Tell me I can’t do it and my answer will always be, I can’t do it YET, give me time.

So this work that I am doing for this client, which involves “disabled things” is slowly draining my life force. 😐 I am having to conjure all the stereotypes that able-bodied folks imagine and I have to bring them to life for these images when all I’ve done is live to be the polar opposite of those things. THIS PROJECT IS HURTING MY VERY SOUL. FML.

Sweet Baby Jèsus! If I would have known this project would have taken this turn, I promise you I would have turned it down. No questions about it. There are things I will NOT do, even if asked because they go against the very core of me. This is one of them. Sigh.

Say some prayer beads and light a candle for me. My deadline is Thursday.

#ICant #Ugh #ThisThatBull #WhosDisabledNotMe #WhyYouLabelingMeLikeThis #DearSoulIAmSoSorryAboutThis #PrayForMeYall #ConfessionTime #DisabledChronicles #TrueStoriesOf2016