I shouldn’t get as mad as I do with my guts.

But when you spend the day having your taste buds and nose viscerally assault you with memories of foods that you can no longer have, it makes it hard to be kind or forgive your innards for being such traitors.

This happened to me earlier in the week and though it has been four years (?!) since I’ve had to go gluten free, I had to ask myself in that moment, why on Earth wasn’t I enjoying those Guava Pastries, Publix birthday cake, Haitian Patè, Jamaican patty, Cashew’s and chicken, pie, sugar cookies, drinks?  It’s like a part of myself – the indignant, You’re Not The Boss of Me part, forgot for a moment that ingesting those foods would make my belly swell to alarming proportions.

Not to mention the pain.  I’ve never been pregnant to have endured the pains of childbirth, so I can’t compare it to that.  But the pain to me is like having an angry ball of lava decide to go supernova without bothering to inform the management.  Surprise!  I’m blowing up all in your guts – NOW!  BOOM!  Yeah, not so nice feeling.

The worst part?  Not being able to do very much about it.  Sure, I could take Maalox (should it ever decide to reappear on the shelves again), I could go the holistic route and drink copious amounts of ginger elixirs, teas or tonics but that still won’t diminish the time that needs to pass before my innards decide they’ll go back to normal.  Which could be anywhere from a week or three, depending on how bad of an assault they’ve endured.

See, unlike those stars who ‘Go Gluten Free’ to lose a few pounds or because they think it’s a healthier way to live, I can’t afford (physically or monetarily) to cheat.  Cheating in my book is akin to shaving time off of my life and who has time to bargain with that?  On the one hand I like that they are bringing awareness to Celiac Disease and the need for more gluten free foods on the market but on the other hand, they are giving people the false impression that being gluten free is a choice for all of us, when it most certainly is not.  This seems so parallel to the gay/lesbian vs. straight ‘choice’ debate – newsflash, neither one of them are ‘choices’ for the majority of folks.

I try to keep friends with my innards by eating things that make it feel good: a good pro-biotic, lots of veggies, good clean water, minimally processed foods, home cooked meals – yeah, boring stuff.  It keeps me alive but I have to admit that I’ve lost my zest and zeal for food/eating because I have such a narrow spectrum of foods that I can/know how to prepare that are safe for me to eat.  On occasion though, I make room in my budget for some of these:

Orange Cream Cupcakes By Sweet Tooth Baking Company, Inc.
Orange Cream Cupcakes By Sweet Tooth Baking Co., Inc.

They are The Business®!  Mike over at Sweet Tooth Baking Company, Inc. is a fellow Celiac and makes THE BEST gluten free cupcakes this side of Miami!  I’ve sampled many others and though they have been good, Mike’s cupcakes make me cry Unicorn tears of happiness and sunshine.  I don’t know if he ships and feel I sorry for those who are not within driving/delivery distance of the Miami/Ft. Lauderdale Metro area.  Seriously.  They are that good.

As of this week, me and my innards are not friends.  I’m not sure what has gone awry, as I’ve been extra super vigilant about my cooking utensils and foods.  Whenever I try to eat though, I immediately get turned off from it.  Food currently is repulsive to me.  sigh. I want to eat and sadly these traitorous innards do not.  I wonder if they would go for some of those cupcakes….