After writing a post about showing up in your own life, I haven’t been doing that here… or many other places, at all.
I could blame it on any number of valid things: incapacitating migraines, being sick with this seasons flu of the month, Life®. And all those things are true. I’ve been a special kind of sick these past few weeks and I am not sure where or why all these various degrees of sickness have decided to descend on me now, when I have so many things to write and so many projects that I want to get up on their feet.
But I think the biggest sickness I have, has been how to get myself together. After this July, I’ve been figuratively stumbling, forgetting, wading shin deep in my emotions. That kind of sickness is harder to get through than a cold. I see it and I try to forgive myself but the juggernaut of work that I had lined up for this time of year is drowning me.
If I can get through it, I know the month of December and January will mean respite. So I am trying to trudge through. And I know I am failing. Miserably.
I wish I could tell you guys that I will get better at this. Right now I just don’t know. All I can do is try.
In all of this… upheaval though, this has been on my mind:
I think of Her… what she will look like, what she will smell like, where she will live. And my heart takes solace that I am at least dreaming again. Better than the darkness and stillness of my prior yearnings.
I am Lovesick.
For hugs and questions about my day and what DO I think about the color pink. It is easy to forget the warmth of a smile or the comfort of a hug when you’re so far into your world that nothing else matters.
Until it does.
But I feel Her.
And I know I will meet Her. And for a while, life will seem new again. Instead of the familiar house shoe cozy that lulls me into routine and makes me forget that I am a Queen.
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That’s all I got this week.
-S
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