That one time you were so hangry that you didn’t follow your own pill/medication protocol of cutting or crushing your pills before attempting to ask your spazzy throat to take deliverance of them.
And true to form your throat spazzes the f€&k out mid-swallow sending you into a right panic because ALL of the pills (one aspirin and two gel tabs) manage to dam up in your throat tighter than a cork in a wine bottle?
But before you succumb to the images of your life flashing before your eyes, you manage to determine that your nasal airway is clear to your lungs, so you stop panicking enough to take in a nostril and a half full of air before making your way blindly to the Nephew. And when you get to him, you open your mouth to speak but the only thing that comes out is the half chewed salad you thought would help the pills go down?
In his terror, he grabs the pjs that were draped across your shirt to keep it clean while you ate and keeps the now thrown up mess from spreading further, then begins slapping your back when he realizes that you’re choking but all that does is kick up your weak ass gag reflex, which just makes it more apparent that these pills may just f$&k you.
So you wheel into the bathroom and lean over the sink and keep gagging as your eyes keep watering and your nose keeps running and sweat starts glistening across your forehead.
Miraculously the blockage begins to creep ever slowly down but it hurts and you just feel like ripping your throat open but realize that would be ridiculous but not really.
Finally you’re able to barely speak and you send the Nephew to get his Mom only for the blockage to move along making you wonder WHAT THE SWEET PURPLE BABY JÉSUS just happened cause you swear you were gonna be a goner for sure?
After you get cleaned up by your sister and assured that you were gonna be fine, you side-eye the thought of your ratchet-ass, non-loyal throat AND salad and want to give up on ALL foods only to realize that you’re still hungry?!
No? Never happened to you?!
#ICantMakeThisShitUp #DisabledChronicles #IAlmostDied #WTF #ThereWereTearsRunningDownMyFace #MyThroaStillHurtsTho #ICouldNeverGiveHead #TheseBi&@hAssPillsAlmostEndedMe #ThisSaladMakesMeMad #FamilyComingThroughInTheClutch #NotToday #SoupForDinnerTonight #TrueStoriesOf2016