Me: It’s been a long, busy day! Whew! Let me lean this chair back and chill before Aide3 gets here…
(Begins to recline chair back… notices control arm is sliding back a bit too fast…)
Oh no! Oh no!
(Realizes that the armrest back stop is *barely* in position to you know, stop my arm from sliding all the way the fuck back and out of reach of the chair/recline buttons)
Ok, ok… waaaaiiittt let’s see…
(Tries to use the FireTV remote to press the top recline button to sit me back up… the back stop totally comes out of place, causing my arm to slide all the way back, making my hand totally unable to reach any buttons)
OH NO!!! OH NOOOOOOOOO! Fuck my life BROOOOOOOO! Fuck my liiiiffffeeeeee! WTF?! What the actual fuck!!??
Me: Alexa… what time is it?!
Alexa: The time is 7:08pm
Me: Aide3 won’t get here for another hour! Fuck this shit bro!
Me: Hey Siri!
Siri: …
Me: Fuck you Siri!
(Phone rings but I can’t pick it up… and it happens to be Aide3!)
Me: Alexa… call Aide3!
Alexa: Did you mean DCF (Dept. Of Children and Families) Office?!
Me: NO! Aide3!
Alexa: Did you mean AC Dude?!
Me: NO!
Alexa: I’m not sure how to help you with that.
Me: Alexa, call A-I-D-E-3
Alexa: Did you mean Aide3?
Me: YES!!!!
Alexa: Calling Aide3…. (Her phone rings and goes to an un-set up voicemail ??‍♀️???
Me: Alexa… call Aide3!
Alexa: Did you mean Aide3?
Alexa: Calling Aide3…. (after calling her about 5 more times, she picks up…)
Aide3: … Hello?
Me: I CAN’T SIT UP! I can’t’ reach the control of my chair – that’s why I didn’t pick up when you called!
Aide3: WHAT?! ARE YOU OK?!
Me: I’m ok! I’m NOT hurt! I just can’t reach my control!!!
Aide3: I’m on my way!
When I tell y’all I PANICKED?!! Brooooooo! That bitch ass armrest back stop was doing the absolute LEAST to save my whole life!
I was like, This is it. This is how I’m gonna die.
And I always knew Siri wasn’t shit, this just proved it. Alexa the real MVP ?
Stay safe Fam!